and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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