I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
