he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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