i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
