i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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