my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
