Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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