I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
