some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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