my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The air taste purple.
Randomize
