the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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