OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
