if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
