we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
