We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
