Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Screwed.edu
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
