called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
