how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
