Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bring money and cleavage
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
