my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
