Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
