All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I could make wine with my vomit
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
