dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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