i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I skipped work to stalk him.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
