I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize