I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
