Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
