wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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