I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
