I'm so fucking centered right now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
