While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
