The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
