just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
