I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
