my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize