I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
