I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
