i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
