six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
