Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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