did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
