no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
