well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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