im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
