I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
