dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
