...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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