everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
