She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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