phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
