Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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