I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
