I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
