I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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