Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
