this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
