I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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