At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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