I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
