her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
