I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
