Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
