He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
