I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
