I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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