Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
