Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
