do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
