Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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