Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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