I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
