Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
